My first year as daddy

My slave is now free, and I’m sincerely thankful for the amazing year behind in which I had the privilege of getting the trust from such amazing and exceptional boy. Twelve months in which for the first time in my life I went all the way training a slave – from the consideration collar, various plays and rituals like the slave’s naming, the contract, the amazing Folsom Berlin, a special Christmas time that we named the Black Santa, and finally Darklands, the amazing Leather Pride in Antwerp.

I put all my passion and intensity in each of my stories, even more when there is a good connection and the play goes beyond 2 or 3 sessions. I enjoy the high I get from what is called the New Relationship Energy, this stage that might last around 6 months or even 2 years. Rather than NRE, I like to call it the match spark, this explosion that inevitably has to come to an end.

And it was at the end of Darklands that my slave asked for time, which meant freedom. The spark of match vanished. I was mentally prepared for the moment it would happen. “The day we don’t play anymore, I hope friendship remains” was my motto.

But I would lie if I say that I didn’t experience any of the 5 phases of grief. It always hurts at some degree.

Some people might think that open relationships are easy, that is just having sex with no emotional commitment, but for me they are not just like going for a fuck. I seek the emotional connection with the whole person, surrounded by the endorphins of BDSM play, even ending in another peak of intensity from fisting and the rollercoaster that represents the peak of the subspace followed by the feelings of loss in the sub drop or Dom drop.

More highs bring more lows. But it’s worth. After 20 years I think the time to reach acceptance is now shorter, a matter of a pair weeks compared to the first times when I had to go through this same cycle for even months.

In the past sometimes I put not just distance but a full stop, not leaving the door open and not giving explanations. I saw the space as a break rather than a pause. I see now my immaturity and insecurities in many of those moments in the past.

Now it helps me see life as being on a train where people just get on and off. I learned to let people go, some of them as close as a brother or as a long-time friend with a strong developed connection that needed more than just a play partner, or friends whose values and priorities in life had diverged during the years.

Time however might bring some of them back into the same train, you never know when the paths might cross again, and now I would take such chance to have a talk rather than ignoring those opportunities.

It also helps me focus on the experience in itself instead of the loss. Focusing on how much I enjoyed and learned, and how the whole experience allowed me to find my sadistic tortuous daddy side. Yet caring.

But most important of all, the learning experience I have had from my Master, who has been a true mentor to me.

I, as Master, adopted gradually big part of the protocol and rules that I observe as a slave with my Master. I embraced the offence log that my Master set, a spreadsheet where the offences and mistakes are followed closely, and compensated with punishment, with different levels according to the seriousness of the offence.

I learned to draft a plan prior to each session to make sure that I would always have the material available and the transitions a bit pre-planned, considering always a mix of the slave fantasies and my fantasies, and to bring a continuum in intensity and variety. Always of course subject to modification and with flexibility as per the situation, but this helped me create new varied scenes that would be easily transitioned.

My Master has inspired me not just to be a good slave for Him, but to be the better possible Master I could be during this year. Not just inspired me but also helped me in many ways, and accepted my slave in the family and supported me and him all through this year.

Honestly proud and grateful for being part of the House of Leo. And I hope that as Master, I only bring pride and honour to the House, as much as I hope to bring as slave of my Master.