With patience and lube

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There is this well known say in Spanish that it is with patience and saliva that the elephant fucked the ant. I think that lubricants and dildos might have helped speed up things between the ant and the elephant, but for sure patience has been key in my own journey.

My first experience was in 2002 at the end of a BDSM session. After some sweet pain and impact play, Joe laid me on the sling. It was my first time on one, and I immediately enjoyed that feeling of balancing in the air. In that moment I knew I would be always a sling animal, since then my preferred place for anal play.

Despite I didn’t know yet, there were 2 things that Joe had to work on to really make me enjoy that first session: taming the fear to remove all possible tension, and change the belief that fisting was about getting a full fist inside. So he already got most of the work done to tame the first one, as the impact session had left me very relaxed.

I find fisting even more intense and fulfilling if happening while in a headspace. For me, a subspace driven by bondage and impact play, as it was happening in that first time, with all the endorphins rushing and with no tension.

For this reason, if I know that someone that wants to explore fisting for the first time is in any sort of power exchange play (dog/puppy play, rope play, bondage, impact…), I try to conquer trust from that play first. Once he is in dogspace/ropespace/subspace, then I know that the relax component is there in a natural way.

I remember I was in that state, floating, looking Joe’s eyes. One finger started going in and out, with plenty of Crisco. It felt like being stuffed, like a Christmas turkey. Crisco is a bit scratchy when still cold and not yet melted, but quite quickly the second finger went in, which made the feeling much more comfortable.

I had been feeling that one finger very sharp and not specially pleasant, but man… it was magic when the two fingers started massaging, now stretching with their separation, now relaxing again, in a cycle. Every step taking its time, letting the ass to settle so I could get used to the feeling. The fingertips rubbed the walls in the hole, and I could feel all the magic from them while they would gently move in circular moves, like painting the cave entrance.

Then it came the second hand, two and two fingers. While two fingers were stretching, the other two would start filling the hole between the first two, and so on. I remember that I was not enjoying when it was about moving in and out, in a fuck. I felt it harsh. However, circular moves were a huge pleasure. My face was telling that for sure, as Joe was looking at my expression and hearing my moans, and he was adapting the actions to my response, to what I was enjoying most.

And this was the key: rather than looking the asshole, Joe was looking to my face and checking my reactions on each move, to see if it was working or not.

There are different techniques and each fistee will have preferences, but at the end it’s all about what the fistee feels in that moment and the trust developed.

Generally speaking, I believe there are two approaches in fisting: the fuck-in-and-out way and the circular. Or we could call it hammering and screwing. I’d say that screw is for warming-up and stretching, while hammering is for holes already open to that size.

Through circular moves it’s more of a massage, and I find that in this screwing way I can stretch and increase the size of an asshole effectively and gradually. I play with both hands, stretching with one while the other tries to cover the spaces. The magic is in the fingertips to bring new feelings, the pauses to let the ass accommodate that size and the gaps I can make between fingers, where I can add lube or place other fingers, to advance.

When the fingers make space between them, it’s easy to put more lube in those gaps and have other fingers push it inside and stretch even more. Indeed, the key is avoiding to fuck directly the anus walls, but putting all possible friction in our hands. Reducing the friction with the fistee anus reduces the irritation, therefor more time to play (and to explore and expand).

This is why I find two hands play much nicer and effective, also with someone that only takes 2 fingers. With 2 hands it’s possible to move them in different ways to cause sensations by the changes in the external part and from vibrations created, rather than the friction that is kept in the space between the 2 hands. And this can be done easily with newbies, with all fingers except the thumbs, meaning that I can get plays of 4-6 fingers and even 8 fingers made of the 2 palms put together.

At some stage I do the spin with the knuckles. With spin, I don’t turn the hand, but keep it fixed and make an ‘O’ clockwise pushing the walls, and then switching to counter-clockwise.

The spin with the fist of course is much more pleasant and I reserve it for the second half of the round as it’s pretty intense. And for newbies, it can still be done with the fingers doing a curve, so the knuckles start doing the massage. In this way I can start being more intense with no risk of harming with nails if the fistee suddenly closes the ass because it’s too much.

Also, knuckles massage is half way between fingers and fist, so it really helps to start becoming used to the feeling of having a fist. This makes easier when I decide it’s time to try to place the fist inside. Indeed, a few times I have been able to make my hand go full inside from the knuckles spin play and the fistee didn’t notice until I announced solemnly with a grin that ‘The fist is finally inside’.

Sudden changes tend to bring sudden fear causing the ass to close. It works better to plan gentle transitions.

The other way, the fuck-in-and-out, works wonders when the guy has already taken the fist and he is open. Hammering with a hand is a massive fuck, and it’s a total different feeling from the massage. It can evolve from hand-open/palm piston play to ultimately punch fisting and rosebud development.

Indeed, it happens too often that the fistee is using some substances to become numb. You know what I mean. I call them shortcuts.

I know there are some specific shortcuts at play when there is no response to the massage. If I choose to continue in that wavelength of play, it’s better to switch to hammering if I really expect to give some pleasure. It must be done with lots of care and caution because in case of harm there might not be a proper response from the other side, so it requires very close monitoring, looking for any trace of blood.

Also in this case it’s much safer to keep the play with one single hand, and have the other one leaning on the butt. It the pleasure grows, the fistee might start getting greedy and move suddenly towards the fister to get more action, which can put himself into big risk. If such greedy moment happens, I really want to have one hand limiting his actions to avoid causing an important damage.

If no shortcut is in use, usually at this stage it can become very intense. Some people enjoy switching between low-level play like a massage and an intense play, now one and now the other, but generally this just exhausts more. I realize when the asshole is starting to be tired when it expulses my hand, in a push out. I can expect piss coming when a fistee ass starts pushing.

When the asshole pushes out, it might mean the last minutes of this round. If this is early in the night and the guy expects to play more, better to stop here and let his ass rest so he can take more rounds after. Indeed, I consider this as fisting party etiquette: if I know other people might play after, I’m a good gentleman and I let that ass rest and be ready for someone else’s round.

But if this is going to be the last round, I tend to apply intensity to end in a big peak of pleasure, until the fistee cannot take more. Keeping the hand inside when there are pushes is very hard for the fistee, but at the same time I might want to try holding a bit and see if the ass relaxes again. I might get some extra hammering here. Just taking the hand out tends to cause the end of the round, as despite I can still play a bit more with a tired ass when the hand is already inside, the whole action of making the hand go all inside again tends to be too much for a tired ass.

In my case, when I’m in that moment, I enjoy punch fisting with jerking. From jerking’s pleasure my asshole opens a bit more, even more as closer I come to the orgasm. Some edging here works wonders, to try to keep this huge intensity as much as possible.

Until the orgasm comes. In this moment the hand must go out. Some fistees like to keep the hand there a bit during the whole orgasm, but it’s not usual that this can be kept long and fistees start with the classic ‘out out out!’. As a fister, I prefer to leave a good feeling and take out the hand if the fistee starts with the ‘out out out!’.

However, in M/s relationships, I can see that some Masters that are fisters might disagree with this approach and want their slaves to learn to keep the fist inside in that moment. For me fisting is about a 50/50 connection where the power exchange dilutes a bit, and I prefer to respect ‘out out out!’ and remove fist immediately, as I know how much a downer can be staying in that situation for long time. But each M/s relationship has its own rules, and fisting in this context is understood in different ways.

But in my first play, fortunately there wasn’t hammering. I could have gone frustrated if Joe would have been of the mindset that fisting is only when the full fist makes all the way. Fortunately, Joe didn’t leave any bad memory for the aftermath at all.

He helped me understand that there were no goals in fisting, but just a mutual intense connection, and at each new play I learned to relax and assimilate the new sensations, and enjoy them. As I learned, to get a wider and deeper ass, I was going to need regular dildo plays on my own.

Because dildo plays are fistee’s homework. I don’t meet people to train my ass, but I train my ass on my own and I get to know people to play with my ass. At some point, it there is space for a whole fist, then it just happens.

It’s not a matter of shortcuts. It’s a matter of patience and saliva lube. And in the aftermath, I don’t feel broken, but great.