The joy of (BDSM) brats

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A brat in BDSM is a style of submissive that will be challenging and rebellious rather than being accomodating to the Dom. Differently from what it might seem, the brat is looking to reinforce the power dynamic and feel the full attention from the Dom, and not to remove the power from the Dom.

I find brats very appealing because I’m a brat myself and I connect very much with the brat energy. As Dom, they excite my sadistic side by bringing good reasons for punishment during my sessions.

But taming a brat is not about punishment – is about understanding the flirting game tied to the bratty dialogue, connecting with the brat needs, “resolving” the challenges with proportionality and within the limits, and of course keeping the power to bring reassurance to the brat.

In my experience, brats are the spice that make BDSM sessions energizing and bonding, as opposed to BDSM sessions that can become very static when the Dom and sub just maintain their roles without the game of conquering the power positions. Of course, it requires more energy to drive the session but for the sadistic ones, it brings lots of fun.

So for those that are interested in exploring sessions with brats and take the most of it, let me share my own experiences as brat and as brat tamer. Because the Dom that enters brat taming needs to understand a few aspects of the brat mindset.

A brat might not reveal themself as such in the first encounter

Generally speaking, a sub doesn’t approach a Dom in a first session as a brat, because subs know that the excitement and pleasure that the Dom gets is from the control and the power given. I’d say that Doms will not accept happily that they are challenged by someone that just appeared, when both sides are still to discover the style of the other and their limits.

Experienced subs in general look at what excites most the Dom that they will play with, and try to match the energy and facilitate the play in a way that the Dom doesn’t feel unskilled and exposed. Many times a Dom is also nervous in the first session and needs some warming up to relax and bring all the skills to the play, so obedience is a good way to facilitate that the engines speed up.

However, from the first session brats need to feel the reassurance of the dominance and limits by challenging the Dom, so many brats won’t go into a second session if they have been too accommodating to the Sir as the session won’t have been fulfilling for the brat.

Brats will reveal their real nature if they feel understood by the Dom and encouraged to express this side. This is why I find important that Dom and sub discuss the sub mindset during the pre-session “interview”. This can be done just being upfront and ask the sub if they warm up with resistance play.

And also it can be done, for those daring for it, being playful during the flirting dialog inthe interview: stare at the eyes and see if the sub is feeling intimidated or challenges back, become a bit cocky or even make a (planned) mistake to see the reactions, discuss rules and protocols and see if instead of ‘Yes Sir’ you get something like ‘Oh, but this rule wouldn’t apply if…’. Brats tend to look at corners of the rules and do “reinterpretation” of the reality as to avoid an offense.

A brat tests often the Dom for reassurance

The brat will only enter the subspace if the Dom has proven that is a real dominant, and the brat will do it through a flirting game that looks at testing the boundaries of the Dom. The brat will either use resistance or challenge Dom’s skills knowing this is mischief, and then look at the Dom’s response to the challenge and test Dom’s dominance, wit and skills at resolving the offense.

Brattiness is the way to test Dom’s commitment, and see if the dominant is responsive and loyal while maintaining the power.

This is not a one time game, but a game that can happen now and then, even a few times within a long session if the brat is specially needing attention or reassurance (e.g. times of stress and anxiety). Each time the brat brings the challenge, the brat needs to feel the Dom’s response.

As Dom, it’s important to understand that brat taming is not about stopping the behavior or bringing fear, but bringing discipline and rules around when it’s a good moment for bratting and when it’s a good moment for obedience.

The brat enters the subspace through the mischief play

With the first challenges, the brat looks at assessing the Dom and confirming that can be trusted, and by trespassing slightly the boundaries look at confirming if the Dom is proportionate on the punishment, or too ‘weak’ or too ‘severe’. But once the ‘assessment’ is done, the game will always continue but with a different purpose – entering the brat subspace.

The mischief-based flirting game during the early stage in a session is how the brat will enter the subspace, as the mechanism to surrender and give the power to the Dom, and also because of the rush of adrenaline is part of the pleasure. It’s that play at the limit of the boundary that excites the brat, maybe the fear of the unknown consequence of playing at the limit of the rules that ‘cannot’ trigger the punishment because technically it’s not exactly the offense, or the adrenaline of knowing that the punishment will come but not knowing exactly when.

Brats are observant and will look for the triggers, and will use them. And with lots of buts and technically.

Do you know when you are close to light fireworks? As you approach the lighter to the fuse, you feel all that tension and rush of adrenaline that peaks until the light emerges at the fuse? And that sudden tension liberates with us running away waiting for the crack? The tension, the rush and the final explosion is what the brat looks for, understanding the explosion as the cathartic moment when the Dom grabs the brat and resolves with discipline. That’s the moment when the brat feels all the craved attention and surrenders to the Dom.

Brats crave for attention – ignoring is a real downer

Attention is a very important aspect with brats. A brat is not only looking at feeling the real dominance of fa Dom, but also getting full attention from the Dom. When the game starts, the Dom must bring all the attention and follow the game.

If as Dom the energy to follow the game is not there, or feeling is not the right moment, the Dom can be direct and state it, and maybe warn about a real punishment. Brats enjoy playing at the limit, but if the Dom is clear, also can understand that it requires an energy, and then enjoy the proximity and the cuddles.

But don’t ignore the brat. Always remember that a brat craves for attention and a strong connection through the flirting game, so ignoring or just choosing another boy and leaving the brat behind in that moment will be real pain, not sexual pain. A brat will then feel real bad and even not be sexually receptive anymore.

Brat bratiness shouldn’t include any bratiness

Brats look at being fun by finding those loopholes in the rules and statements. As Dom, I enjoy when brats manage to make me laugh with their wit. And still there must be degrees of consequences, because it’s both the catharsis of submission of the brat, and the spike of dominance in the Dom when in middle of the laugh says ‘motherfucker’, and will punish, fuck, etc.

This is a flirting game that goes in both sides, and the Dom side is part of it. So in my opinion, bratiness should not be based on misbehaving non-stop and/or pissing off the Dom, because it can potentially become repetitive and/or boring for the Dom.

In my case, it adds that I’m a daddy type Dom that might expect to teach some lessons, so if the sub doesn’t seem to learn at all and repeat the same things, there is some degree of frustration because it questions my dominance. What says my style of dominance if the sub I’m looking at guiding just misbehaves or even shows unpolite in social gatherings? Sir and boy, Master and slave, they are complementary. The image of one becomes also part of the other.

Create 2 sets of rules around discipline: the fun one, and the strict one

Brats enjoy being trained by a Dom that sets which style of bratiness is allowed and when. For example, I don’t allow a brat to use the same joke or anecdote. I appreciate an intelligent response from a brat, and that usually saves a brat from being punished, but immediately I warn that the same offense cannot be repeated. This for example forces brats to be smart and come with new things, which reinforces my dominant role and also reduces the quantity of bratiness.

This is an example, each brat tamer will find what works with a brat. What matters is to find the own rules around when it’s appropaite to brat and when not.

When it’s the right moment, it’s expected that the Dom has a set of disciplinary actions that are fun and engaging with the brat (e.g. take out that crop that they hate and be funny and playful with it, without using). Those plays will bring the needed attention and usually calm down the brat. Sometimes, the brat just need some ‘maintenance’ and is looking for the punishment. Of course, it’s up to the Dom if to reward by giving the desired ‘punishment’, or bring discipline by not bringing the ‘punishment’.

When it’s not the right moment, the Dom needs to bring stricter set of measures. And commit to the punishment – as a brat, when I accept I have crossed the line, I want to get what I deserve. If I was sentenced with 50, then I will only feel I have paid right for the offense if I get all the 50.

Brat traps, or how the Dom takes control of the game

If we let a brat be the one initiating all the situations, effectively is the brat the one holding control. And if this happens, the brat might loose the reassurance of the dominance for that Dom.

This is why I find important to be the one leading as much as possible, and create ‘opportunities’ for the brat to follow. I call these opportunities brat traps. For example, if the brat made a joke around age, which wasn’t an offense because I found it smart, I might later repeat some trigger that could make the brat repeat that same joke. And because this happens, I have a reason to bring some more intense punsihment, from the strict one set. The brat has fallen in my brat trap, which made him fail on my rule of not having a same joke repeated twice.

What I like of brat traps is that it speaks the same language of the brat, in a 2-way game based on wit. The brat finds the complicity, and at the same time get the reassurance and attention.

As types of brat traps, I like to explain small anecdotes of failures that make a brat laugh (and then punish for that laugh). With slaves, it’s even more easy as “Master never makes mistakes” and if Master says that tomorrow is Sunday (it’s not), the slave needs to find a way of pointing out into the mistake, and in a convincing way.

These are just a pair of examples, each brat has their own ways of being a brat and the trick is getting to know it and find the ‘hot spots’ that allow to set brat traps. However, there are quite a lot of typical tricks in brats that we can pick up and just turn the other way around, anticipating the play and controlling the brat.

I recommend looking at this blog post with ideas for bratty submissives and look at how to twist them.

Keep the contact through text and audios in the the in-between sessions… and take notes

Note that in the distance, brats get still the need of attention. I strongly encourage to engage in bratting over text. I do quite a lot as both brat and brat tamer.

Then, I write down in a spreadsheet the ones that were more memorable and/or funny moments, because during the following real session this serves as fuel for the session.

Trust me, there is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling for the sadistic side than having the brat tied and submitted and sharing the ‘memories’ and reviewing them together with the impact of a paddle or a crop.