Boys and slaves

Reading time: 7 minutes

I’m a sadistic Master, so I look at boys and slaves that enjoy submission and, at some degree, pain. I enjoy driving pain-driven endorphin trips through that intimacy that comes from connection, trust and respect, and I get very excited with the moans behind a gag while I’m for example torturing their nipples. So with either one or the other, that can happen and I will enjoy. So then – which are then the differences between the two?

Both a boy and a slave are identities in the kinky community tied to submission, but with a different mindset for both the submissive and the dominant. Each Sir and Master have their own views on the boundaries between the two and what set of practices are expected and acceptable in each position, but in general Doms have a higher expectation of service from the slave, more rigid rules and control on aspects out of the session like dressing, haircut or body modification. But the first difference is that Sir/boy power exchange is around authority, whereas Master/slave approach is around ownership.

To start, the boy gives power partially, retaining some degree of the control. The task of the Sir is to facilitate the exploration and lead on the development of trust. The boy has voice, so as Sirs we need to listen and correct if that wasn’t the right track.

Boys are allowed some degree of challenge and defiance towards the Dom’s authority, an aspect very attached to brats, a subgroup of boys. With slaves, insubordination is crushed. As my Master taught me, a good slap removes on the slave any desire of bratiness.

The second difference is the type and level of service. A boy can do many services to their Sir, but tend to come from the will of the boy, as a request of something to explore. A Sir needs to win over and inspire . However in a M/s story, the slave provides a level of service that comes from command, in some point between fairness and unfairness. Of course Masters have a degree of responsibility towards the slave, so as not to put it in an uncomfortable situation by being too unfair or touching ‘soft spots’. There is some degree of fairness to be left.

The mindset is also different – everything is done for Master. The slave has moved from the mindset of ‘please do this to me because I’ve been a good boy‘ to something more like ‘I’m serving my Master’s desire (within our agreed limits), as I worship my Master‘. Because Master/slave energy is in the space of worshiping and pleasing Master, with elements like make the slave lick the boots well or, in my case, pain trips in the search of the limits. Embracing a mantra can be very helpful to clarify and reinforce meaning of the slave position. As I’m a sadistic Master, the mantra I instruct my slaves is that slave’s pain is Master’s pleasure.

With a boy, I look more into making the boy relaxed and happy, fueling and fulfilling their fantasies and getting myself my rewards too. So to get my rewards as Sir, I seek out boys that already enjoy my triggers because then it’s easy to match both sides of pleasure. The boy doesn’t need to change anything because mostly what they like is already what the Sir likes.

However, slaves must adapt and change – they are taught to adopt the style, manners and desires of a Master. Slaves use the energy from worshiping Master to adapt to what pleases Master. Slaves give their Master what their Master wants, so with a slave I look more at making sure I am happy.

I will still build scenes incorporating what I believe that the slave will enjoy, but I’ll also build scenes that are for my pleasure, and sometimes those will bring some degree of discomfort to the slave. Because it is during that light suffering, when the slave feels the difference in how it’s Master is to be pleased, with an increasing degree of command and force to make more evident the power imbalance. This, of course, is done without brutality and within the preset limits.

And it’s important that there is no brutality, but appreciation. A slave has given up all freedom, and this is a true gift for a Master, and a responsibility. The slave allows much more to happen, so the Master is the one to make sure the limits and boundaries are well defined, and not trespassing. With the boy this is also true, yet the boy has a freedom of stop and a choice that the slave rarely has. I insist on saying that a good Master doesn’t break His toys, and a slave is a precious toy to preserve.

The expected adaptability and disposition for change from the slave is not a blank check for a Master. In my opinion, a healthy M/s relationship needs to make the slave also proud of service and not feeling ashamed or feeling that is doing something entirely for Master, without feeling joy. I want to believe that Masters, similarly to Sirs, are facilitators of inner desires of a slave, and that the ‘gentle pushes’ towards some directions are because the slave is feeling that desire as well.

But not always things are ideal, so slaves must have a communication channel with their Master, in a way that meets the protocol but allows to help a Master adjust the course of action in case an experience hasn’t been aligned to the ‘expected journey’. Boys have naturally this space with their Sirs, but slaves might not have it that clear, so they need to define as part of the rules agreed with Master.

As an example, me as a collared slave of my Master, if there is something important around a previous scene or session or new situation arising that I want to bring to discussion to my Master, I reach out to my Master with respect and I verbalize that the slave requests an audience. If setting allows, I prefer to initiate the audience kneeing in front of my Master and kissing or licking the boots to start, while He sits in a good chair. In this setting I feel I’m being a good serving slave that speaks up from the low position.

So in summary, a slave looks at pleasing Master first, it will try to match Master’s pleasure, and can expect to provide a higher level of service, with command and force that mute a slave’s voice and free will. And while boy and slave also share the same safety framework, the Master has an extra responsibility due to the more vulnerable nature of a slave as opposed to a boy, and Master and slave need to be more careful of setting the right communication channels.

My way of putting the difference into practice is through clear communication with a set of rules and protocol for the slaves. If a boy is interested in and willing to take that path and go for some training, then the rules are negotiated, so to start with a small subset. I ask a boy to review my list and return with the statements colored: green if the boy accepts the rule, yellow if the rule might be discussed and integrated eventually, and red if the rule is not accepted and there will be no negotiation on it.

So I start with a basic protocol tied to the session itself, which is:

• Slave is always ready and clean
• Slave at duty wears black socks, boots and collar – Master might decide to be pleased with other stuff
• The collar will always set the beginning and end of slave’s play
• The slave kisses Master’s boots (or feet) in the beginning and end of plays, optionally at any scene change
• Slave will not eat and drink ever again around a table, unless Master grants this privilege as an exception
• After a play, the slave cleans and puts Master’s toys back in the travel bags or suitcases

Of course, this also comes with an extended version of the safety framework, that looks at ensuring the slave has channels to express the need of emotional support, and to make a full stop that removes all power imbalance:

• The slave is taught/obliged to use YELLOW colour code to signal a short break, and RED to stop the scene. The slave will learn to communicate using agreed noises and hand slaps, as a way to ensure that when slave is gagged or in a space with lots of noise (e.g. an event), Master can clearly hear and see and immediately respond.
• The slave has the right to express a need
• The slave must communicate always when not feeling physically or emotionally ok
• The slave is deep in the well’ will be the ultimate emotional safe word in degradation play – Master will bring care and emotional support to help return from deep spaces
• The slave can bring respectful feedback to Master around practices and boundaries by requesting an audience to its Master
• Master and slave’s real names are reserved for use as a last resort to immediately stop the M/s mindset. Using real names means that the power imbalance is fully removed, it’s a clear ‘we need to talk, and now’.

Once the basic rules are understood, I start discussing the rules of the slave mindset, as I understand them as a sadistic Master. My starting point are the following rules:

• Slave’s pain is Master’s pleasure – through pain and discomfort the slave worships Master
• The slave only thinks of Master’s pleasure, as its pleasure comes from pleasing Master
• The slave anticipates Master’s needs – expose the body if Master picks a toy to be used, fill in the glass with a drink if Master’s glass is empty, bring the ashtray if Master is going to smoke, become a footstool if Master sits,…
• Slave accepts pain – a slave can be punished, tortured and degraded for no reason
• A slave must accept consequences of its actions, including some degree of unfairness. Unfairness cannot be accepted if it causes physical or emotional distress
• A slave can be left unused, and must accept that is just an object to provide service when required

Having a general set of rules helps initiate the story with a framework of operation. The rules are discussed and agreed of course between both sides, and then tested. The connection and stories that will develop as the sessions move forward will bring new rules and also changes to the existing ones.

Because at the core of M/s there is a journey of conditioning training that will end associating slave’s pleasure to what pleases Master, and automate responses to events that, through failure and punishment, the slave will integrate naturally.

Using the agreed framework as a foundation, Master will ensure thorugh training in the sessions, that the slave identity is soundly built.