Exploring Temperature Play: Going Cold (and Lube-on-the-Rocks!)

In this post I want to dive into something I find really powerful in M/s dynamics: temperature play. I love it because it’s easy to bring into different scenes and can be light or more intense. It’s a simple way to take away comfort from a boy or slave without needing special equipment or expensive toys.

It can be just a light, non-painful sensation when cold metal or chains touch the skin briefly. Or the numbing spike from ice in the ass that makes the nerves go quiet for a moment. Or, for more intense play, different levels of pain from wax drops falling from various heights and using different types of wax.

The magic of all these activities is how easily they fit into different scenes and moments. They can make the power imbalance in an M/s scene stronger, or bring a ritual feeling to a special day, or just create new sensations that mix with everything else happening.

My advice is to start with cold before hot. Hot usually means wax, and that needs knowledge to avoid burns. That’s why I’m focusing this post only on cold, as it’s a milder way to introduce temperature play. But still, like with any BDSM practice, it’s super important to talk about consent first and have a safe word system ready. Just in case.

There are many ways to do it, so in this post, I want to tell you about the four ways I’ve been doing it: ice play, chains and metal toys, cold showers… and the Lube-on-the-Rocks!

Ice Play: Numbness and Tightness

With ice play, I like to introduce to the scene in a “natural way”. Sometimes, during a break with a slave, if I’m drinking something with ice, I might take a cube out and bring it close to their lips or nipples. If I get their consent to use it, then I know it’s safe to go on.

Important note: the ice should already have been in a glass or a container of water, not straight from the freezer. Ice directly from the freezer can stick to the skin and burn. But if it’s been in water at room temperature, that outer layer isn’t sticky or burning anymore.

If that first bit of play goes well, I might move into a scene with bondage and sensory deprivation (or just blindfolding) and use the ice on other areas, like the genitals. As I said, the key is that the ice has been with water. You can just get a Tupperware container with tap water and put the ice there. They’ll start melting, which removes that super-cold outer layer and any sharp corners.

Easy rule of thumb: if I can hold the ice in my hands without them burning, it’s good to use on the slave’s skin, genitals, and so on. If it hurts me, it’s not good for the slave either.

Another tip is to regularly put the ice back into the water container. This helps the surface temperature go up to match the warmer water. When you grab it, rub it with the water so any new sharp corners get soft. Be aware that if the ice stays on for some time, it can still cause a light burn, so be very careful.

In my own first session with ice, the Dom directly put ice cubes from the container into my ass and started fucking it. At first, my ass went numb and gradually closed up, so I was feeling the cock very much. In that first minute of numbness and tight asshole, I was enjoying it, along with the feeling of being used.

But at some point, the numbness led to more discomfort. The melted water coming out was washing away the KY lube, so the condom started to scratch my ass. Aside of the discomfort, that could have quickly become a risk for condom breakage. For those not using a condom, the lack of lube would probably become uncomfortable anyway.

I added room temperature water, which helped with the ice, and I could get them out. Note that a heavy douche at that stage is not advised, as the ice cubes might go deeper and make things more uncomfortable. Still, at such a small level, I wouldn’t see it as a big risk, but every body is different, so always start with only one.

Chains and Metal Toys: A Quick Shock

Another way is using metal. Metal feels cold because it conducts heat well, so it quickly takes heat from the body part it touches. And pretty fast, it can reach body temperature, so this just causes a quick rush feeling.

I love using this amazing bondage board, a gift from my Master. Ropes and leather restraints are what usually go on the rings, but sometimes I like to make a slave feel a mild level of degradation by treating them like an animal that needs chains to be controlled.

While I do verbal play into their ear about the slave being just a captured animal that needs chains, I enjoy seeing their body briefly shake from the temperature change on their skin as the chains are placed. This happens quickly and stops quickly. It’s mild sadism but effective, and it won’t cause damage. Of course, it’s important to watch the slave’s reaction, because sometimes it might not have the desired effect and could pull the slave out of subspace.

Cold Showers: A Ritual of Exposure

The last one is cold showers. Those who have spent a full weekend with me know how much I try to include a cold shower in the morning, a tradition I have with my Master. One of the rituals my Master and I have is the cold shower, which can be in two forms: in the mild version, it’s done in the shower. While the shower is put on hot, you know you’re getting those 10-15 seconds of cold water before the warmth comes. That won’t kill you, but again, not everyone gets it, and I’ve found many more people who don’t accept it. I usually start it as a threat, and maybe the slave wants to try and accepts, or maybe they definitely say no, in which case I will respect it… even though, you know, a drop or two might accidentally fall…

The other version is my Master’s favorite (and so it’s mine), as it touches on degradation and my rituals with my Master, but it needs an outdoor terrace with privacy. Naked and exposed, the Master uses a hose to clean the “filthy animal” in the morning. No 10-15 seconds of mercy, just a full shower outdoors. Of course, it’s not the same doing it in Barcelona in August or in Dublin in February, but well… this is part of the agreements a slave makes with their Master, isn’t it?

Lube-on-the-Rocks: A Messy, Numbing Delight

As a last thing, I want to introduce the J-Lube-on-the-Rocks, an old trick well-known in the fisting community.

When you make ice cubes with J-Lube instead of water, the frozen layer isn’t sticky like the water one, and the J-Lube starts melting quicker than water, with the added effect of numbing the area. Quite a few fisters have been using them at the end of a session as a relief, and to maybe have one or two last rides because of the numbness and coldness without the burning feeling.

I have personally used it mid-session without having reached the breaking point of the ass, usually after putting in two or three balls. The ass then gets a bit numb and tight, as I described above with ass play. But instead of water that burns or removes lube, the asshole becomes a self-service fountain of lubricant that doesn’t stop because the balls keep melting.

Be aware that it will get messy! I advise putting some waterproof pads or puppy training pads on the floor to make sure all the lube falls in a controlled place. Because we all know what happens when J-Lube gets on the floor, right? So imagine a fountain of J-Lube stepping out of the sling and moving around wherever the play space is… so please don’t do it in sex clubs!

My advice is to do it closer to the end, because if the plan was to go wide or deep, well, the asshole will feel more closed. However, for a sensual, light play or for a good, filthy fuck full of lube followed by dildo play in a “play pool,” that can be a very great story.

An easy way to make them is just doing your regular J-Lube mix in your usual sports bottle, then get those silicone molds for ball ice cubes, fill them up, and put them in the freezer.

Remember that while already-mixed J-Lube shouldn’t be used after 5 days, frozen J-Lube can stay for a long time. So, if you have a kinky fridge with a freezer in your playroom, maybe you want to always have some J-Lube balls ready for a messy, lubed session.