Table of contents

Note: all content here are solely my opinions, views and things I’ve incorporated in my plays, as well as resources that have helped me. This is not intended to be a handbook of any type.

Fist, FistFuck, FF or handballing is that sexual practice in which you provide pleasure in an asshole with your hand/s. Fisting is very intimate and intense, it’s about pleasure, connection and trust. The goal is not sticking the hand inside or check how far have you reached, but enjoy this intense communion.

Fisting etiquette (as I practice)

  • Knowing the host rules – When invited to a party, ask the host for any rules, what type of party in regards of safer sex or ‘enhancers’, if it’s fine to clean up there (most of the times it will be, but good to ask in case a towel is requested by the host), if it’s possible to overnight, if toys are good to be brought or if BDSM practices can be integrated or it’s only Fisting mindset. Be aware that most of the times, BDSM and Fisting don’t mix, and starting to spank someone during a play might break some people’s energy and will not be welcome
  • Asking if anything is needed – hosts tend to put many things at play, including paper, towels, and the energy to make sure everyone is attended and comfortable. Drinks might be provided, but still though it’s courtesy to bring something, from just a pair of paper rolls, or some extra drinks or snacks. In some parties, hosts might ask for a contribution in money to cover drinks and food, so asking in advance will allow you to know if contribution is requested, or if it’s open to anyone to bring something.
  • Punctuality – Make sure you know at what time host is starting to welcome people and when the party kicks-off – and be on time. Parties start once everyone is already there, so arriving late affects the starting time, and hosts might need to be able to open the door for example, preventing them from starting unless everyone arrives. Be mindful and try to arrive on time.
  • Small parties vs Big parties dynamics – in big parties people play with anyone that likes, and it’s not a problem within the dynamics that some combinations don’t happen. However in small parties of 4 and 6 people there are less possible ‘combinations’, so it’s usually checked in advance that all people feel good connection with everyone else. If I’m invited to a small party, I check the other guys and confirm to the host if I’m good, or express any concerns, letting the host know and decide.
  • Host privilege on the first play – host/s are the one/s to choose usually the first play partner, and are usually let to choose the play area. If there is one sling or any specially comfortable play place, it’s nice to let the host choose if he wants to enjoy it first and with who. Of course the host might decide to choose another place, but it’s courtesy that someone else doesn’t just jump into the sling like a greedy (sling) lizard
  • Use the different prepared play areas – everyone tends to enjoy a sling a lot, and usually there are less than players, so be mindful and let everyone take a ride, using other less-kinky areas like a mattress, the sofa or whatever has been provided. Even if you are in a peak of excitement, avoid playing in areas that haven’t been prepared for this without asking first the host. It’s possible that with a plastic blanket or other preparations, you can fulfil that fantasy on that fancy armchair, but always ask first.
  • Check the rhythm of the other players, specially in small parties – in big parties there can be different play rhythms and tempos, as multiple people is there so everyone can just play without affecting the others. But in 4/6 people parties, a couple might stop and will be waiting for the other ones to stop in order to change partners. If a particular couple are very much enjoying, they will need to remember that it’s not a 1-to-1 night, but a group party, so it’s good to check if the others are resting already and at some point end the round and join them for a small relax
  • Versatiles tend to switch from top to bottom at every round – in small parties being versatile is more desired (pretty fundamental if only 4 people), as allows more combinations, and in general after you have been fisted, going for the top side allows to rest the ass a bit longer, allowing to take more rides after without destroying the ass. When asking a guy you want to fist him, he might say that he’s resting the ass and going for the top round, you might want to take that chance to have your asshole opened of course, or ask for availability in the next round. Asking for a ’round reservation’ is not impolite, but be open to other side willingness and energy. Sometimes the flow might not allow a certain play combination to happen, so relax and enjoy what comes.
  • Avoid hijacking the desired hunk with big stocky hands – there is always that big guy with huge hands coming to the party that everyone wants to enjoy, if you have the chance of going for that ride, enjoy and appreciate the opportunity. You might want after another (and another) round, but be relaxed if this doesn’t happen. It’s very common in parties that the second play with someone happens after a few rounds. If you want to particularly play with someone, arrange a 1-to-1 night with him as a follow-up, then it will be all for you!
  • Keep things clean – a play area will become messy, so put paper below the ass and clean after. It’s very helpful to put newspaper sheets or pampers/diapers. Indeed it’s quite common that each player has a diaper to be used in his play, reusing a few times as they are resistant to it (and not cheap). At the end, clean, with an antibacterial spray if it went very messy.
  • Store your stuff in a clear area – usually people gets different areas out of the play area, with creams labelled with a marker to make clear who is the owner of every ‘pack’ of things. Make sure you have your own and take responsibility of it, as everyone is expected. Mixing or sharing creams is not a good idea. Really, a very bad one.
  • Clean your hands and arms well – after the play, clean your hands and arms with good soap, and add those antibacterial sprays on top. This is to improve the cleaning effectiveness, avoid transmitting things accidentally, and avoiding to leave chairs and house full of Crisco or J-Lube. Later when you are going to play again, do a last round again.
  • Avoid talking in the play area, go to a resting space – usually in fisting parties, there is a play area and a resting area where to chill out and talk. Conversations about life and work should be avoided in play area, as a respect for other players. Do it in the resting area, and if this one is very close to the play one, try to close the doors or speak a bit lower. We all forget this sometimes due to excitement, so if someone is not observing this rule, be nice when reminding them, no need for dramas

Preparations

Cleaning

How to clean your ass before anal sex

How to clean your ass before anal sex – best guide EVER! My 2 cents on top of it:

  • Start the cleaning in advance, if it’s going to be a public or group event, I tend to do in the night of the previous day, sometimes also in a dildo party on my own. Helps having the things more ready.
  • Don’t overdo cleaning, I have for me a limit of 2, max 3 rounds of cleaning, after that asshole gets irritated and play will be very limited. It’s better that it comes a bit unclean at the end, rather than broken from the beginning.
  • Get used to the fact that brown can come out – you will use gloves, change them, go for a clean and party continues, is part of the game, and good fisters accept it. Is part of what can happen. Check below in At play section about some more comments to ‘minimize’ those things at play.
  • Choose carefully your meals in the prior 24 hours. From my experience:
    • Rice and pasta are good choices, the classic protein diets work pretty well as they don’t have fat. Banana is a good choice as fruit for me
    • Stews, lentils/beans/peas tend to make things go too liquid, not a good idea, unexpected surprises
    • Fat might create lots of little balls, again avoid family visits that mean that they feed you as a pig with greasy delicious things
    • Spicy food is not a good idea either
    • A Spanish black paella or foods that might ‘tint’ making the matter turn very dark can be a bad idea, as during play if there are surprises it might make things go dark, and make the fister believe that internal bleeding has happened, which even if it’s not the case, might cause a moment of drama and affect the play mood

Basic fisting bag

  • The shower head douche, in case of extra cleaning required and the facilities include showers.
  • Latex-free condoms (XL available) and black nitrile gloves, each size in a different zipped food sealers. Being allergic to latex is not to me an excuse for not playing safer, and black nitrile is fucking hot to wear and arises quite a few fantasies in a session.
  • 2 jars of Aqueous Cream BP, widely available in UK and Ireland (check Boots pharmacy for it), which I use instead of Crisco, as it doesn’t destroy condoms or dildos. I try to bring always 2, one for me and one spare one, unopened, in case I want to fist someone very much that doesn’t bring his own cream. I never mix creams.
  • Already made J-Lube in an empty ‘sport cap’ bottle. I use Aqueous Cream as the ‘base’ cream (as I would do also with Crisco), and after some warm-up just with cream, J-Lube on top of it. Eventually, those ‘sport caps’ cap be pushed a bit into the ass and empty a big quantity of J-Lube to facilitate deep play.
  • An anti-bacterial hand sanitizer containing alcohol, which I use after cleaning hands and arms. Lots of discussions about its effectiveness for some illnesses, but still I prefer having it rather than not.
  • Some people bring roll of kitchen paper, as this tends to disappear very quick in fisting playing areas.
  • A pair of spare plastic bags, folded. At the end of the night I want to pack separately the jlube and creams/Crisco, as I don’t want that the jlube bottle and the cream leave everything in the main bag messy.
  • If playing in a club where I know there are slings, I bring the 2 leather stirrups from my own sling. Nowadays most ‘public’ slings don’t have stirrups as they tend to disappear. It’s not just that it’s more comfortable and that helps me relax more, but allows some positions and techniques that without them I cannot make.

Preparations as the party host

Hosting a party takes time and energy, but it’s pretty rewarding. At the end, people want to be relaxed and have fun, so generally speaking, during the party there is not much to do, except have fun. The most important rules, as I see it:

  • As host, you are the one to set what are the basic rules to observe, and those should be told in advance to people, to avoid false expectations and disappointment.
  • You are the one expected to speak up if any participant is not following some rules, or a conflict arises that is beyond a 1-to-1 thing.
  • You are expected to start the party. Some talking is nice to warm up, but at the end everyone is going to expect that you decide when the party starts
  • You can relax and enjoy the night once everything is set: and you have the privilege of choosing the first round play. People will tend to let you take the best place (e.g. sling) in the first round.

You can find different ‘set’ of rules online from different groups. One of them for example, are the Fisters in Action Toronto (FIAT) or MAFIA. This is just to inspire you, however let me point here the things you might want to consider. Note that many of them are aligned to what I understand as fisting etiquette, so they are the things that as a host I would take in mind in advance of the party, to help meet this etiquette:

  • Cost of the party: are players expected to contribute with a certain amount of money to fund expenses, should they just bring some snacks and beers, or are you going to pay for all? Don’t be afraid of setting a cost, it’s pretty common to set a 10-20 euro/dollar conribution
  • Set a time, and a limit of arrival: someone will need to be opening the door and welcoming people, and usually this is the host. People arriving late will break someone’s play (e.g. going off the sling, covering chaps and cleaning the lube… a real downer)
  • Dresscode before or after arrival: are you living in a conservative neighborhood? Guys in leather and red hankies might affect your relations with your neighbors? Make a clear mention of this in advance if this is the case
  • Define the play areas, relax areas and private areas: relax areas where to chill and talk should be separate from play areas. At play, listening to work-related things or personal stories tends to be a downer. It’s a good practice to have those areas separated by doors, and that they remain closed. A kitchen tends to be a good relaxing area, and a living room / dining room a good play one. Have in advance some private areas (e.g. bedrooms ready) for those that need a nap or to sleep
  • How many people can overnight? At the end of the party, people might not be in good condition to drive, and live far away with no affordable or possible transportation. How many beds/sofas with blankets/pillows you have available? Consider this when organizing the party duration and the number of possible attendees
  • Safer-sex, gloves, chems and smoking policies: consider those aspects in advance, and let everyone know what is allowed and what isn’t. You’re the host and you set the rules

There are then those things you will need to have to avoid a big mess, and thtat you should consider to buy in advance:

  • Plastic glasses: avoid real glass as much as possible
  • Marker: ask people to put their name in plastic glasses and lubes. Painter cloth tape is a nice to have, in case you don’t have a marker and you need to use pens. People should be using their own glasses – if someone is adding something else in their drinks, you don’t want someone else to accidentally take it
  • Big black bin bags: a pair of bins will be required to be around in the play area, where to put used gloves and dirty papers. Black bags keep the black atmosphere. And eventually can be used to protect some play areas if you don’t have PVC/vinyl bed sheets . I tend to use them on the floor, cutting the edge to extend all bag, and fixing with grey adhesive tape to the floor, making tiles with the bags. It’s cheap and effective. And can be used in hotel rooms that we want to turn into a night playroom.
  • Bins: count the number of attendees and divide by 2. You will know how many concurrent plays can happen, therefor they will be generating mess with gloves and papers. These are the number of bins you should have.
  • A lot of rolls of kitchen paper: used to clean asses of course, but can be used on the ‘designated’ areas where each person leaves their lubes. I’d say 1 roll per player minimum. Usually at the beginning of the party, everyone will have the own stuff in specific places, with some paper so the lube recipients that become messy, don’t stain what is under
  • Newspapers: very common to place newspaper and on top of it kitchen paper on the areas under assholes. They contain much better the dripping cream and jlube. It’s cheap and at every play, you can just put in the bin and place new one. Last years it has been pretty popular to use disposable absorbency pads instead of newspaper. Each player has one and reuses it a few plays. It really keeps things clean under, and reduces risks, it’s much safer of course. They tend to be blue however, and I haven’t found any on black or any kinkier color. Some people might not like them for a kinky scene, but well, they could be covered still with a newspaper on top, and still be efficient…
  • Towels: have more towels than people attending. Not just for the shower, but one to be used when sitting on the chairs and sofas (usually assholes are not 100% clean and still dripping a bit lube all night, this reduces spreading out the cream). Eventually they might be used to clean a vinyl blanket or an ass. I have very old towels used for play, separate from the ones used for shower, and I leave them piled on a side of the play area.
  • Pissing consideration: at some point, people can piss with no control when the ass start pushing out. On a sling, a bin can be placed under the sling. On mattresses, this can be more difficult. Make sure people have around the play area the bins and kitchen paper. You might need to remember people to put paper under the ass and cock.
  • Hand sanitizer gel and dishwashing liquid: people must adhere to cleaning properly hands and arms at play. Soap might not be enough when Crisco is involved, that’s why I leave dishwashing liquid in the toilet, together with hand sanitizer gel. Some hosts leave as well antibacterial spray that is added after hands are clean and dry, so it stays some time on hands and arms in the break between plays.
  • Gloves: people tends to bring their own gloves, but it’s pretty common to have some boxes of all sizes. Consider that people might have allergy to latex, those tend to bring their own gloves, but you might want to buy black nitrile gloves. Spare condoms are good to have, despite people is expected to bring their own. In fisting parties however, not everyone enjoys fucking, hands are much more used than cocks.
  • Lube and spare sport bottles: make a clear statement that everyone brings their own, but you might want to have some spare ones for anyone running out of it, or forgetting it. Also, people tend to forget bringing sport bottles where to put J-Lube, maybe having a pair spare ones will save someone’s night.
  • Water: a pair of bottles around are good to have in case someone is needs quickly some refresh

And the last things that I would say are related to the atmosphere:

  • Music: try to have some playlists that contain many hours of music. People tends to stress when they are flying in the middle of a play and suddenly it comes the sudden silence. Piggy noises are gorgeous, but pretty common to have some music in the background
  • Porn film: I tend to put porn on the TV, some people really seem to need it as a complementary of the play, and when the films stop, they tend to rise it, or ask for another film they haven’t seen already. This is more a nice to have
  • Light: dimmed light, indirect lamps, maybe a fireplace and candles… there must be light to see that the assholes are fine and nothing is coming red or brown. Some parties include red lights, which is cool, but try to have some white light close to the assholes – red light might mask the fact that something bad is happening
  • Temperature: good temperature but not to hot, just keeping an eye on people’s comfort is a good idea, and regularly asking. Specially if you are aware of someone taking chems.

At play – rounds and its phases

In a fisting party (private or in group), there are rounds. Generally a round tends to be from 30 minutes to 45 minutes, but this is not mandatory. If a round was too intense or there was cumming, it might be 10 minutes. It might be 5. Or it might extend in a bis if the 2 people are happy with the current positions and there is no need for a break.

In a round there tends to be the following phases.

Round preparation

Experienced fisters tend to collaborate – the fister goes to clean the hands and arms with good soap and antibacterial soap and spray (the later should be done very thoroughfully at each round if in a group party). I’m very suspicous of any top not doing it, as this can be an important signal.

In the meantime the fistee should clean the sling and/or play area from previous plays, by spraying the area and removing rests of cream and any possible dirt. Makes sure that the bin is in place, that there is a chair or stool for the fister with paper towel or a towel on top of it, and that looks for the own preferred comfort (a towel, a pillow, the desired music…), and brings the personal stuff into the play area (cream, toys, aromas…), removing anything that would be from someone else by letting that person know. The fister when back from cleaning should check if those things have been done, and ask the fistee to do them if not. The fister shouldn’t be touching much as the hands are now clean. It’s the work of two that is usually started by the fistee and then finished by both sides. If the fister engages in moving things from someone else, there needs to be another check.

Heating up

With everything ready, both play partners will be at this stage very close to the sling ‘entry point’. The fistee should exhibit patience and wait for the fister to be ready, and not jump immediately onto the sling. The fister will not be physically estimulated at work, so it’s polite and nice that the fistee warms up the fister with some genital touch, sucking, nipple play…

This tends to be brief and helps excite the fister, but it has become (in my view) very ritualistic in the fisting community, as it usually happens in front of the sling. If there is some power exchange/BDSM in the relationship, usually the fister is the one that nods to grant the fistee permission to ride the sling. The fister leads the fistee into the play position, helping set the feet on the stirrups and finding the right position of the ass. The fister checks that the fistee is in comfort (pillow, access to aromas,…).

Heating up can continue on the final position. Face fucking, nipple play, a fuck… However, fisters should be mindful of fucking. If the fister has been already doing some rounds or having fun previous days, a fuck could irritate the play area and the round and even the session could just end here. Fisting adapts to the situation of an ass, but fucking doesn’t tend to adapt. Many fisters tend to ask the fistee if they can fuck the hole before fisting, and are open to receive a ‘better not’ as a response.

Flight

The fistee tends to fly and go into a rush of feelings and sensations that make them vulnerable. A fister is the one to take control and lead the flight, looking at signals like discomfort (cramps, trembling…), push from the hole (pain, exhaustion) and blood. Some play areas have red lights, which don’t allow to see if there is cream, blood or shit coming out. Play areas can have red light but good play areas tend to include a subtle yellow/white light focusing on the ass area.

It’s common that fistees freak out of the chances of brown outcome. As a fister, if I see the fistee not relaxing I put the hand inside and take it out, and while the other hand goes inside I show the first palm to the fistee saying ‘It’s clean, don’t worry’, and then I take out the other one while I repeat the operation. Very residual brown can happen if going deep, and I tend to stop if I feel there is something solid coming.

Fisting solid material irritates the bowels so it’s better to stop gently with the proper landing and break, and do later a second round.

If there is a bit of pink mixed with the cream, we need to be cautious and planning the break. It helps learning where the pink comes from gently, by touching the areas and see if it’s just the entrance. For worse cases, there will be a dedicated blog post.

Asking for a break

Usually it’s the fistee the one that asks for the break. Maybe the ass and dick are still greedy but the asshole is soar and is just closing at the contact of the hand. Or the top was playing hard. Or maybe the top is the one that wants to stop, maybe because the hands are tired (yes, the hands can get very tired if an asshole is tight), or the bottom is too much away, or… or… Regardless of the reason, each side can ask for a break. There should be no judgement, no discussion here. It’s common to use the timeout hand signal to request a break. If any side wants a break, the break needs to be respected.

I need a break. Let’s have a break. Photo: stockking – www.freepik.es

Landing and break

Landing is responsibility of the fister. Fortunately I can count with the fingers of one hand the times someone left me abandoned on the sling on my own without a proper landing, but it can happen. In fisting, the landing is very important and needs to be approach with care, empathy and sensitivity. And most of fisters are in this category.

Landing is about making sure the fistee is fine, cleaning the asshole and ensuring a safe standing up for the fistee. With time, I got to learn to have a full process which is a bit longer, but this came from practice, so don’t feel overwhelmed and just make sure you cover the basics first.

  • Kisses and hugs, plus touching the ass: depending on the intensity, the fistee will still feel the ass hungry even if it’s destroyed. There is some sort of inertia, so a sweet end comes from progression. At the same time, the fistee might be emotional, happy, willing connection which can be huging and kissing. What I do is move to the side of the sling, kiss and hug with one arm, while my other hand is massaging the asshole area. Maybe one finger or two. I will know by looking to the eyes. It tends to be an intense moment of intimicy, of last shakes and there might be crying or happiness or wows. Just be present with the fistee and share that moment as it comes. Sometimes the fistee might want more, it’s your call as fister know if the asshole is really destroyed or not. In some occasions there might be a bis, but most times it’s better to progress with the landing.
  • Assist: a bottle of poppers might still be in fistee’s hand, just help remove anything out of the area. Bring paper to take out sweat or cum. Offer a glass of fresh water/coke/juice. Take time, observe, don’t rush
  • Start cleaning the ass, with massage: clean the ass but do it gently, the paper towel will get soft with the cream, so use it to massage the outside of the ass. Make the cleaning a pleasure. If you see discomfot, stop and just clean. Sometimes it might not work, despite my experience is that most times it does. You might want to blow fresh air into the ass, it can be a nice feeling
  • Prepare the landing area in front of the sling: if there were papers under the sling, remove everything and throw it into the bin. If it’s very messy, cover the landing area with paper rather than trying to clean it. You don’t want to spend one hour cleaning and breaking the climax, it’s about being effective with the least possible effort for now. Very careful with what you touch, as the hands still need to touch the fistee
  • Last check on the ass: the asshole tends to stay open for some time, so clean any new lube dripping out from the ass. Give again some more paper to the fistee even if it doesn’t seem needed, he might feel it’s needed or might want to use for sweat or whatever
  • Help landing in a big hug: be in front of the fistee, he will come down grabbing you. Ignore if he says he’s doing alone, still be there and make sure he grabs you and you are firmly standing. Hug him when he’s standing, like in a big bear hug. It’s about safety but also contact. Stay there a minute, helping the fistee sit on a chair or lay on a sofa or bed
  • Don’t abandon the fistee, keep there for at least 5-10 minutes: stay with the guy for at least 5 minutes, just to be there in case of faint. It shouldn’t happen, but be a gentleman and don’t leave. Probably you won’t because either you are a gentleman or you just got a connection with the guy. Probably both. The best that can be done is going to drink something, a coke or juice better than a beer right now, and enjoy the intimicy you have built.

Additional resources