The Leatherman’s Protocol Handbook, by John D. Weal

John D. Weal’s “The Leatherman’s Protocol Handbook” is a book that brings up many different feelings for me. My Master gave it to me as a special gift for my 40th birthday. It has certainly helped us create our own rules, or “protocols,” in our M/s relationship. It helped us build our own way of talking, like an extra part of the ownership contract we agreed to. But even though I like some of its ideas, I also have strong worries about how it was made.

It’s important to talk about the arguments around this book when it came out in 2012. Once I finished reading the book, and while discussing the book with a friend, I got to learn that the book seemed to mention people without getting their permission first. This bothered me a lot because it goes against what I believe about respect and consent. Just for this reason, I find it hard to fully recommend it. I suggest readers look into the story themselves, including Guy’s review,  author’s answer, and Jeffrey’s follow-up, to decide what they think. Also, the book seems to mix real-life facts with romantic ideas, which can be confusing.

Even with my worries, some parts of the book gave me good ideas and were a helpful start for our own M/s journey. These parts fit well with what you can find on many BDSM blogs and community websites:

• Types of ‘Old Guard Protocols’: This part talks about social, low, and high protocols. It gave general advice and showed why using them can be good. It offered a basic plan that matched common BDSM manners.
• The Positions: I found a few positions especially interesting, like the “examination position” done in three steps. We’ve started using this at the beginning of our play sessions. For me, it’s a strong way to get into a “mental bondage” state. It helps me quickly feel like a slave and makes me proud to be one.
• Hand and Eye Signals: I really like the idea of using hand and eye signals to create a silent language. This lets us keep our M/s communication going even in public places, without regular people noticing.
• Dungeon Protocols: the book also mentions dungeon protocols, but these are pretty much the same as usual party rules.

While “The Leatherman’s Protocol Handbook” has many interesting ideas and practices, it’s good to know that much of this information is already out there for free. You can find many discussions about BDSM manners and rules on the internet. So, if my worries about the book make you decide not to buy it, you can still find similar insights by looking at the links I mentioned or searching online.

In the end, my experience teaches an important lesson: the rules, or “protocols,” in any D/s dynamic or BDSM/leather family must work for everyone involved. They should help everyone be happy and make the relationship smoother. As two Sirs wisely said in a FetLife post, if you are a sub/slave exploring protocols, try to fit what your specific dominant wants. And never let anyone tell you what “official protocol” you must follow unless that person is your dominant. Anything you find, including things in this book, should be seen as an idea, not as the “Only True Way”, because this doesn’t exist.

It’s most important that the dominant and submissive feel comfortable with how they relate to each other. They need to build their own way of talking that helps their M/s connection. A Master and His salve should learn from their own different experiences and always adapt their protocols so that the rules serve the relationship, not the other way around.